Girlfriend called another man’s name during sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I am having a relationship with a girl who is 23. She goes to evening classes because she did not do well in high school.

I spend a lot of money on this girl, but she is never satisfied with what I give her. She keeps company with the wrong set of girls, who have different men to provide for them. I told my girlfriend that I am not happy with the way she moves around with these girls. She said I want to control her and she can't allow me to do that. We are not living together, but she comes and stays by me on weekends when I am not on duty.

One night while we were in bed, she was talking in her sleep and said, "Stop that Johnny" until she settled down. In the morning, I asked her who is Johnny and she said she didn't know what I was talking about. I told her that while she was asleep, I heard her telling him to stop that. She said it was a dream so I can't hold that against her. So I dismissed that matter from my mind. However, another night while we were in bed having sex, she said "Oh Johnny, you feel so sweet." I continued to have sex with her as if I did not hear anything. After I ejaculated, I started to curse her and I told her what she said during our time in bed. She said that she didn't realise what she said but I shouldn't make that bother me, because what she meant was I was very sweet. But this girl knows my name, so why didn't she call my name, instead of the name of another man?

I know I am not foolish, I know that this girl is having sex with another man whose name is Johnny, and whatever I might have done that night, is what he has been doing to her. She is a very pretty girl. But I am prepared to allow her to go with 'Johnny'; he has hit her spot. I know if I continue to be with her, I am going to hurt her, and I would prefer that we break up than for me to get myself in trouble. I suspect she is getting money from this man as well as from me.

D.A.

Dear D.A.,

If you believe that this woman has another man with you, leave her.

Women don't call the names of other men while they are making love, unless the other men are deeply involved with them. So this woman is only trying to fool you. When she was having a dream, it was the same man she was dreaming about. When I was a young family counsellor, a man told me that he found out that his wife was cheating because he heard her calling another man's name. He was right. Eventually they got a divorce.

I would not want you to get into trouble, so let this woman go her way, and you seek another relationship.

Pastor